burned out firechild

Hay ang hirap mag-type! Hindi pa rin ako sanay sa keyboard. Sa pinas na ako mag-uupdate ng mas detalyado. Namimiss ko nang mag-tagalog.  Pangalawang araw ko na dito sa clermont at bagamat napakasarap manuod ng mga short film ay naduduling na ako sa dami nila. I`ve been watching an average of 5 programs a day. Each program is 2 hours so parang 10 hours of films ang pinapanood ko ng isang araw. Actually na-realize ko na kaya palang manood isang 10 hour film ang kahit na sinong tao, hindi lang mga fans ni lav diaz. So heto, blog blog muna para hindi ako maumay.

Nakakatuwa ang mga pranses kahit papaano. Lahat ng screenings blockbuster. 10 minutes before some programs di na nagpapapasok dahil di na kasya sa mga theaters. At dapat mega pila ka at least 30 minutes before. To think na puro short films ang palabas mula sa mga bansang banyaga na di nila kilala or alam kung anung ieexpect nila. May separate screen (big enough to fit 2 lines of text) para ssa subtitles kaya ok ang sizing. Lahat ng shorts pinapalakpakan at the end.

Bad news lang may tama ang material ko na sobrang jarring. eawan ko ba, na-preview ko naman at maayos sya dati. Ang nakakainis pa dito, blood bank lang ang may tama so far sa lahat ng shorts na napanood ko. Nakakahiya.

Di ko na napost lahat ng posters ko. Wala nang space. Di ko rin napamigay lahat ng postcards ko kasi ampapanget ng pagka print at kulang sa info. Grrr.

Ise-save ko na sa mas mahabang blog entry ang dilemma ko sa snow. Basta isa siyang nakakabwisit na bagay. Or naiinis lang ako sa katangahan ko dahil hindi waterproof ang mga dala kong sapatos.
Pero like what i said, saka na lang ako mag-rarant.

Contrary to what most may think, wala talagang nitelife dito. 1:30am pa lang, last order na. Siguro kasi lunchtime pa lang tumitira na ng wine o beer ang mga utaw kaya hindi na "gimik" ang pagpapakalasing hanggang madaling araw.

Next blog entry na rin ang aking tragic na pagligaw ko sa maginaw na lugar na ito. Ideally 5-10 minute walk lang mula sa main venue pabalik ng hotel. Pero dahil napakatanga ko sa directions at wala akong visio-spatial skills, nawala ako at more than 1 hour na paikot ikot. Hindi masaya maglakad sa yelo ng isang oras (kaya siguro galit ako sa snow)…. Hindi naman ako nahihiya magtanong, pero parang eksena sa Lost in Translation ang drama…. Buti na lang, may dumating na "anghel". Yung tipong anghel sa City of Angels o Wings of Desire with the ubiquitous black trench coat? Yung tipong fair haired, clean shaven, clean cut at… next blog entry na lang yung whole kwento… Basta ang masasabi ko lang, siya pa lang sa lahat pranses na naencounter ko, women included, ang mabango… kaya feeling ko hindi siya totoo.

o siya, nagugutom na ako. miss ko na ang sinangag sa umaga. ayoko nang makakita ng bruschette, croissant at jam at butter.

ang dami kong reklamo. alam ko dapat maging greatful ako na nakaranas ako ng ganito. ito siguro ang price for seeing people read your entry sa catalog,people from various nations applauding and lining up to see your film, seeing the screenplay you wrote translated into french. small price nga naman. ano ba yung mawalan ka na ng sensation sa paa at mamanas at maging lit***eral na light blue ang iyong talampakan at daliri sa paa.

bukas uli.

OA na sa pagka-haggard! I totally relate to my virtual pet Hamstr– constantly running, going nowhere. This is worse than Blood Bank’s preprod. Bad vibes. Buti na lang I have friends who I still can hassle because really, natatanga ako about this. They never teach you this in film workshops or film schools: post-post prod. Which is like marketing your film, taking care of screenings, entering it to festivals abroad, promotional stuff, and f*ckn travel requirements. Thank goodness there’s John & Meyor & Lowi for help with the dvd repros, Chard for the postcard design, Grasya (the hottest momma these days who’s first film "Dead Letter" is in competition at this Singapore Filmfest! Congrats girl!) for the poster printing, and Chits (who is too cool and too busy to friendster) for all that information on travel insurance, etc… I have actually spent more on visa and travel insurance fees, dubbing, shipping, etc than I had actually spent

I still have a million things to do. But I opted to write here which is what I do when I find myself drowning in the things more in need of my immediate attention.

24 hours from now I will be boarding a plane to AMS then to CDG then to CFE. No blog entries till the week of Feb 6….

And I have nothing to wear!

Where in this city can you get a decent looking, dark and monotone colored, size 8 or smaller winter coat? COAT ha, hindi jacket– I’ve seen the horrid comforters-with-sleeves in Surplus Shop— I actually bought the smallest one I saw yesterday out of desperation. Ukay is not an option. I don’t have the time to have it laundered and I don’t have time to brave cubao, carriedo, etc…

And I had even planned on going to a spa ang getting a hair treatment before my trip. Well so much for that.

I have to shut up now and organize. Gawd sana matapos na ito.. sana wala akong makalimutan… sana hindi ako mawala sa airport… sana hindi ako magka-std— ooops! that was a joke. really. joke.joke. joke.

Au revoir lurkers!

argh! i am beginning to want to give up on this life.

too much noise. too many tasks to do, events to attend, people to meet. too much chores and errands and responsibilities. too many distractions. too much work. too much effort.

all i want this year is to help declan be be ready for SPED, and to make my film. correction. WRITE my film.

i will get this f*ckin trip over with and then i will simplify…

things i want to do by june 2006:

1. quit 8 hour day job (and find small writing, transcription, vo rackets that will only require a maximum of 4 hours of my time)

2. get a one-room apartment with white floors, white walls, and furnish it with white things only)

3. change sim

4. delete all accounts with online communities including blog

5. forget all festivals, contests, screenings, get-togethers, concerts

F*ck. still too many steps. still too many tasks. still too many words…

The acronym of the year is "EOF". End of Friendship.

I wonder how you can be so tired of "explaining yourself" to everyone else except to very people involved. After 11 years, I guess you believe we don’t even deserve that.

We (or is it just I, because really, I don’t know the entire story) will forever be content with the scraps of truth you scatter, breadcrumbs of your side of the story you dish out to you other "friends". I’m bad at jigsaw puzzles. Also I’m not as intelligent, analytical, perceptive, emphatic or psychic as you are. I will just file this experience away along with the big bang theory and Bermuda triangle phenomenon and other unexplained mysteries of the universe.

I’ve been dumped by boylets and that is something I can easily handle… I have never been dumped by a friend, a best friend. I didn’t even think something like that could be possible. Friends just drift apart, lose contact, outgrow each other. Nothing deliberate. Unless they become enemies. Which I’d like to believe we are not.

But if you feel so good about cutting us/me out of your life, if the quality of your existence will greatly improve with us/me out of the picture, then I will be all for it. Never have I intended to cause you harm. I would like you to have whatever it is that will make you happy.

Moonchild, I hope your life IS better now.

Yes. She has served me well. Was there during the times that I felt so low. Was the soundtrack to boring cab rides, bus rides, waiting at the bank, waiting for people, waiting for sleep to take over. In the end I would sell her for Linny (see 2 posts back). I couldn’t help it. Linny was an upgrade I opted to have instead of a 2GB ipod Nano. 30GB, sleek, black, lightweight, option for photo and video and data storage, full color lcd, made by Apple. Almost free. Almost because the upgrade cost will be covered by the money I got get from (sigh) letting go of Wavey.

Good thing is she’s now in Nina’s hands. A trusted friend who will not ruin her by uploading her with emo, screamo, nu metal, nu goth, and all that aural garbage on commercial radio (ok that’s enough I sound like a poser music writer imposing her skewed musical tastes). I will miss you, faulty backlight, tendencies to hang, scratched body, and all…

Bryanboy is a crazy and filthy rich fagboy who I lurk every single day. I hate him so much that I love him. Earlier, after reading his last entry and talking to Shiney Whiney (who is a hottie these days despite her whining), I came to a realization why I am still single….

Subconsciously, and despite the number of times I’ve said "I don’t have standards", have do have the same standards as he does. WTF?! I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles for the beautiful and fabulous… Wahahah

I know it’s unethical to steal posts… but who cares… Here’s a slightly abridged version minus the celeb photos…

_______________________________

What to Look for in a Guy

Calling the attention of all single mother fuckers out there. Hear ye! Hear ye!

After all these years, now I know why I’m still fucking single. My standards are way too far up my own ass… I shouldn’t take my little guide religiously… and so…. seriously.

Whoever said love is blind should be shot to the ground and squished like roadkill. Fuck ‘love is blind’. Love is much better behind a pair of Boucheron (or in my case, Gucci) sunglasses.

For those of you out there who might be interested on what my standards are, feel free to read below. I added some nice celebrity (and pornesque) shots to illustrate what I meant.

1. He must be taller than you by at least a couple of inches… even with heels.
Save the midgets to the little people. People like you and me need a man who is taller than us.

2. He must be fit, well-proportioned and have better-than-average looks.
This is a tricky one. Someone who looks nice and presentable enough is good. On the other hand, going for someone who has a killer body and a hollywood smile is pretty much asking for trouble.

Skip the beautiful boys and go for the beautiful-but-not-so-beautiful kind.

3. He must be well-off.
One of our mantras in the Bryanboy School of Golddigging is "why date a parasite when that parasite can be YOU?". Let’s face it - nobody wants to date a fucking leech. Unfortunately.. most men here (who bat for my team at least) are fucking leeches. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Not that I’ve ever dated a guy here… in fact, I HAVEN’T!

Perhaps this is one of the main reasons why I’m still single in this cesspit of the third world. It already makes me sad knowing the fact that I’m not attractive. So why make me feel worse by going out with me only because you think I have money?

BTW.. AVOID students at all costs. That’s right. Those damn creatures (no matter how wealthy they are) will fuck you in the head.

4. Go for a gentleman.
It’s always nice when a guy treats you like a princess. A true gentleman is very, very hard to find these days. They are so hard to find that even our old hag Kate Moss goes for the young ones. I wonder, who the hell is this 20 year old mystery guy?

Would it be nice if you have a man at your disposable to help put your shoes on? Isn’t that sweet?

5. Always opt for the er.
Bigg-ER. Bett-ER. Great-ER.

Never sell yourself short. There is nothing wrong for wanting anything that ends with an ER. Bigger, better, greater.

_____________________

So there. I am letting myself have standards. This year it will have to be boys with those qualities or nothing… At least if I do get dumped, it will not be by some society’s dregs– which will hurt my gargantuan ego more rather than if I were dumped by a rich doctor driving an Audi (or any car for that matter).

Yeah right. Knowing me, I will still go through the trouble of kissing frogs and being dumped just the same.

I’m baaack!! Centuries after my last post, and I am still in this verbal lethargy, too lazy even to do the obligatory year-end blog entry. I’m breaking in now because, I now feel like it. I guess it’s because I’m in this work-lethargy. Aargh! 8 hours to do 50 calls and I can’t even do it.

REPLY TO A TAG

Let’s get this over and done with. Mari-an tagged me so I need to write 5 weird things about myself. Only 5? Tough.

1. My cheese consumption– I eat parmesan cheese by the spoonful. The best thing about Christmas for me is Edam or Keso de Bola. When I need to feel pampered or mayaman I buy expensive brie or camembert instead of going to the spa.

2. I name inanimate objects– I guess you regulars know about Wavey and Quoyle (mp3 player & digital camera). Well, Wavey is now in Nina’s care and in her place is Linny the black bitch. 

Details later…

3. I have volumes of scratch papers containing budget plans for imagined business ventures (Restaurants, cafes, a production house, a wine bar, an animation channel on cable…), film projects, weddings, and Cleavage albums. Talk about "drawing" grand plans… I scare myself sometimes.

4. I love taking juvenile quizzes from blogthings, quizzila, etc. And I take them all over again if I don’t like the results.

5. I do google searches of people I know. If I feel low, I do google searches on my name. Talk about vanity.

Also I need to tag 5 more people to do this. But I’m gonna end this crap. If you wanna write about 5 weird things in your blog, do it. If you don’t well fuck off! Heehee…