You’re such a beautiful writer
that’s not all you are
I’m sorry about making a pass
It was subtle but I think that you grasped
The meaning intended
I can be a friend to you
I won’t pretend
I’m not interested in breaking a heart
It’s not love no it’s nothing like that
I’ll leave that to lookers like him
Oh he’s such a delicate thing
Now it’s such a fragile thing that we have… 
–excerpt from "Suspended from Class"
Here she is… I call her Wavey. Got her the day before courtesy of Nilo who introduced her to me and who was so kind to buy her at greenhills when they went there for some shopping…which i couldn’t find time to do these days.
20GB for the same price as a 4GB iPod mini. No software required, just plug n play. Converts cd tracks to mp3 files while you upload. Ditto for cassettes (which I haven’t tried doing).Can record from it’s FM radio tuner, can record voices– all to mp3 format. Sounds wonderful even on the tiniest earphones. I can equalize the settings to boost the bass. She can read folders & even sub-folders from my windows explorer. She can work with both Mac & PC’s… What more could I ask for? Well, there are downsides too… the back-light isn’t working, and she hung on me once but i just had to poke the mic with the back of an earring and she went back to normal. The storage capacity for the price is enough for me to get her…
I was so happy then. Couldn’t wipe that silly grin off my face. Like I was in love… yuck!
Question is, would everyone else be fine with my self -induced autism brought about by my now constant "wall of sound" ? Would this aural ocean wash out the debris of painful memories? Wavey dear, momma’ gonna sail away…
friends on friendster: 302
friends who wrote me testimonials: 28
number of times my profile was viewed this week:83
mp3 files in my My Music folder: 361
sales I closed this quarter: 1
5 best free mp3 download sites:
3 good mp3 blogs:
deaths this month (of beings i knew): 2 … hopefully it stops there…
"There is no discipline of forgetting; we are at the mercy of random
natural processes, like stroke and amnesia, and such self-interventions
as drugs, alcohol, or suicide." - Umberto Eco
I’d like to believe forgetting is not necessary when one can sort out emotions and thoughts, pack them into compartments, and choose which ones to surface…
i am still at the sorting stage… delayed in the process because there is a serious need for a naming convention for previously unfelt feelings– but there is none
so we will lump them into "pain" or "depression" or "confusion" which are in truth none of these things
and being afflicted with these unnamed emotions and thoughts one is rendered incapacitated, unable to process these, like a pc that hangs…
which brings as back to the easier solution… erasure of these unnamed emotions, thoughts, and most importantly, external factors that trigger these… in other words, forgetting– of which there is no discipline to.
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I just had to do a 2nd post for the "day"… Pamster the lurker brought me to this site: http://www.lacunainc.com/evaluation.html
I remembered how Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind just blew me away. Yung science part, yung love story part, lahat, wow mehn… Inarticulate ang lola mo sa galing…
Life would be so much happier for me if I am easily impressed, if I expect less from peole. "Would" is the operative word here because in truth, I am not. Panlalait can be so addicting, nitpicking has become an uncurable habit, and I have been in an unchanging state of disbelief….Of course, as a gay friend once said, "plasticity is da best policy", and I have imbibed that so it is easy for me still to say "wow galeng!", "astig", "okay ah", "panalo", "wagi ka dyan sister", "ok naman eh" through clenched teeth… Yes, Pamster the phoney…. That is why surprises are worth writing in a blog…
Of course, I can delude myself into thinking I am jaded –because it’s cool to be so– when in fact I embarrass myself with this open display of naivete ( to put it bluntly "katangahan"). This is Pamster the poser speaking.
Last Friday I got conned by a one-handed amputee riding a battered bike. I just as easily handed 50 pesos, which would have been one hundred if I didn’t have any change. As I was waiting for a cab with nina at 3am, he rode up to us with a a tablet wrapper (?!– for lack of a better term). HE asked us if we could do him a small favor by buying his wife’s high blood prescription at the nearest drug store. He didn’t have any money and would– at first– not accept money because as he said, he knows how it is to earn a living and how important money is to us. He wouldn’t actually do this but it’s just that his wife was really sick and all he needs the money for is her medication. He told us that a tablet would cost 41.25 Php. .. Now of course the nearest drugstore still open at that hour was in Kalayaan, which was quite a long walk at 3am. Of course we will not walk all the way there to get his medicine. So naturally we just gave the poor guy money to buy the medicine himself. And since 41.25 was an off amount, I just handed him 50 pesos. And watched him ride off into the night to do either of two things: a.)fly to the drugstore to buy the tablet to save his wife’s life or b.) wait for another gullible call center agent to do the same routine.
Lesser beggars would just walk away with loose change at the most. With this method, he could make an easy 500 pesos a day with just about 3 hours’ work. Just find the right location and work at the right hours, and approaching the right people. 500 pesos a day is like 12,000 pesos a month. That’s just about what an entry level call center agent ( in a start up call center I gusess) earns before tax & other deductions. Brilliant. I don’t know if this is original , but I just find this brilliant. He truly deserves the 50 pesos, and more.
I think this is a better idea than snatching someone’s phone, kidnapping someone’s kid, screaming your lung’s out in a funded "rally" , waiting around in a feeding program, gambling your last savings on lotto, jueteng, a freakin horserace or cockfight, selling your home & farm animals for a visa to some godforsaken first world country.
Now, if this picks up, the novelty would die away and people will know that this is a scam. But until then, that one-handed guy should strike while the iron is hot, and invest his money wisely. Hopefully, if he does have a wife, she wouldn’t drop dead of high blood. There is such a thing as karma… But that’s another issue and another blog entry…
Leo’s public relations staff have made sure that the King of Beasts is presented in newspaper columns as the top of the heap: mane flying, radiating confidence, creativity and self-assurance, ready to outsmart and outshine any foe, loving life and the applause of the crowd.
It’s true that you strive for all these things, and spend a lot of energy developing them. But Leo, confident? The reality is just the opposite, which is why you spend so much time thinking about yourself. Deep inside, you’re driven by the need to fulfil your own individual myth. And you don’t have to look very far to discover that myth: the larger- than-life heroine, however humble the worldly disguise. Beneath the apparent extraversion of this powerful sign there always lies a secret child.
Leos are so idealistic it can make one cry. Even Leos who cloak themselves in cynicism are really romantics to the core. Your idealism can make you cry too. Leo envisions life in a certain way, and that way is usually coloured by the nobility, beauty and romanticism of a fairy-tale royal court. Once you’ve got that vision, you don’t appreciate having to change it.
It takes a lot to convince you that villains don’t always wear black, heroines don’t always win the battle and rescue the beautiful prince, and the beautiful prince isn’t always suitably adoring and grateful afterward. Leos have a kind of black and white perception (small wonder–)which is often bruised by the complexities of human nature.
Being a heroine is a tough role to play these days, since people can be so damned unappreciative. But if you can stick to your inner vision without demanding that the rest of the world conform to your ideals, then it may one day dawn on you that you are indeed the heroine, on a quest for your own Self, and that the rich love of life which blossoms in you is not wasted just because you sometimes have to compromise with reality. The tendency to cling to an ideal and become bewildered when it’s punctured is most visible in your relationships.
You’re perpetually baffled by the pettiness, ambiguity and general nastiness that abounds in the human psyche. Not that you don’t have your share of these human attributes. But you usually make an enormous effort to be honourable in your dealings with others. Loyalty and honour are terribly important to you, and these things are hard to find in the marketplace these days.
Leos need to paint their canvas with large, unrestricted strokes. Wherever a new, original idea is needed or some new creative possibility can be envisioned, there Leo is to be found. No Leo likes to be the power behind the throne. Nothing but the throne itself will do. But that’s part of your charm - the more distinctive and individual you are, the happier you feel. Some Leos carry this to outlandish extremes. Napoleon, for example, wanted to conquer the world. Whenever it’s said that something can’t be done, there will be a Leo determined to do it.
The trouble with all those big, bold brush strokes on the canvas of life is that somebody has to clean the paintbrushes afterward. It’s pretty certain this won’t be you, because you feel trapped and miserable having to deal with the details of everyday life. Of course you can do it; Leos are wonderfully competent. But you don’t feel it’s your role.
Leo’s famous extravagance comes from two sources: first, you love things to be beautiful and luxurious, and second, you can’t be bothered to see whether there’s enough in the bank account to cover it. Save? Budget? Don’t be silly. Your intuition gives you unquenchable optimism. The down side of this is a belief that you should be exempt from all those banal restrictions that afflict mere mortals. Yet your gifts are often so outstanding that others make allowances. You need to feel important to yourself, and often try to find that sense of self-esteem by being important to others. When they don’t notice you, you’re hurt.
Leos often find it very difficult to share the stage. You’re generous to a fault, but you can be insensitive to the emotional currents around you. And as for pride…Well, you invented the word. Leos are often deeply introverted, but you depend so ferociously on the love and acceptance of others that you’ll do virtually anything to earn their admiration. It’s really a problem of identity.
The big task which challenges you in life is the issue of who you are, why you’re here, and why you’re uniquely yourself. It’s a lifelong challenge. If you can’t muster the self-esteem you need from your own inner resources, you’ll crave it like a drug from the audience. But the real journey is within, into the source of your own being. It’s in the process of creating that you find your real sense of self-value. And the Leo who learns this, and lives it, is indeed heroic.
Meek, mild and colourless this woman is not. She’s a queen and she expects to be treated like one. Even the more repressed Leo woman (and they’re pretty rare) will show this side of her nature, although it may be heavily disguised under socially acceptable manifestations of good and selfless behaviour. You can spot this kind of Leo because she somehow makes sure you know just how much she’s giving, and how much it’s costing her, and how special she is to be so self-sacrificing. But most Leo women let their light shine openly, cleanly and honestly, and let the envious be damned. The Leo woman is intensely individual, and not very good at being everybody’s favourite model of self-effacing conventionality. More often than not, she’ll be a troublemaker, or a woman who attracts gossip like a candle attracts moths. She has an intense need to live her life in her own way, and that life has got to have colour and dynamism. Have you ever watched a caged lioness in a zoo, pacing back and forth, her eyes furious and glaring because she hasn’t got room to stretch out and run and hunt? That’s what happens to the Leo woman when she’s caged, either by social conventions, her own timidity, or a limiting relationship. The Leo woman needs somewhere to express her creative abilities. Whether these take the form of artistic talent, organisational abilities, or counselling or public relations skills, she needs to be somebody special and to earn recognition for it. In short, she needs an audience. Don’t expect her to play audience to you twenty-four hours a day. Find someone else to look after the mundane chores; that isn’t her role, unless it’s her company, film, or novel, in which case she will take pride in her ability to master both the big picture and the details. Recognition is important to the Leo woman, and she is proud. She has high expectations of loyalty from a partner, and won’t forgive either betrayal or humiliation. If she can’t find a suitable creative outlet, she may try to get her recognition by making lots of people fall in love with her, or by trying to play Pygmalion and reshaping the lives of those she loves. She’s even capable of becoming a hypochondriac if she feels she’s not getting enough attention, claiming recognition through subtler, more manipulative means. This dynamic, fiery, energetic woman must have a stage on which to perform. Otherwise, she’s liable to push you off yours. Leo women are often highly competitive at work. They hate having to answer to someone else all the time, and are better off running their own show. They can also be intensely competitive with their own sex. In any of life’s dramas, she’s unquestionably the leading lady. It’s typical to find the Leo women with a bevy of friends who all lean on her for advice and help. In part, it’s because she’s both strong and generous. In part, it’s because she doesn’t like the competition of equals. She can easily try to become the support for a weaker partner. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap. Many Leo women are afraid of a strong partner because they fear being dominated. All too often, the pattern in relationship is for the Leo woman to take charge and make the decisions, and then to bitterly blame the loved one for failing to give support when she herself needs it. Yet it’s hard to give help to a Leo woman; she’s too busy giving help to others, and she doesn’t like to appear needy or incompetent. That’s why it’s essential for her to have some area of life where she can shine independently, and for you to recognise and honour this. The Leo woman’s gifts lie in her capacity to be so intensely individual and alive, and in her loyalty and generosity to those she loves - provided she’s treated well. Never, never take a Leo woman for granted. The Lioness has claws, and isn’t averse to making scenes that make more socially inhibited signs turn white and cold with shock. If you’re looking for a woman who is an individual to the hilt, you’ll love Leo. And even if she’s not the partner for you, you’re not likely to overlook her. Life with a Leo partner is always exciting and alive, but rarely smooth. She’s too touchy and temperamental, and her visions and ideals are too big to avoid inevitable conflicts in the smaller realms of living. Leos don’t get along with the inconsistencies and limitations of human nature. What they want is the total love, the mythic love, the love that was eulogised in troubadours’ songs six centuries ago. On one level, that kind of love doesn’t exist, and Leo usually suffers disappointment somewhere along the line because of this. Yet that mythic love is a reality on another level, and no sign is as capable as Leo of bringing the world of myth into ordinary life and gently reminding you that you’re also a hero or a prince. When you spend time with someone who tries to be a walking myth all the time, you start noticing that myths are all around you, and a relationship with a Leo can convince you that fairy tales can come true after all.
–from astrodienst.com
Gawd, that was a long one. I really am full of myself (up villainous laughter)
