burned out firechild

This is not good… I getting to be more baduy by the minute. To date, the most gasgas mp3 on my real one player is "Kulang na Kulang" by Joy & Bevs. For crying out loud… eh ano naman ngayon! It’s a decent pop song, they blend vocally a whole lot better than M2M (but who cares about M2M right?)… Also I feel I’m yearning for tagalog lyrics. Unfortunately there usually aren’t any free OPM mp3s on the web and I’m too lazy to go to  tower or sarabia to actually by a cd…

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I saw Revenge of the Sith last Mon while breathing through one nostril. I had a terrible cold as I always have whenever I would meet him. Strange coincidence. I was supposed to watch alone but he went anyway because he didn’t have anything else to do…. I don’t know why I am even thinking this… him in his chair leaning to his left so his shoulder would touch mine… the awkardness I’d feel when I would catch him looking at me smiling while we shared cheap lukewarm beers afterwards… his head resting on my shoulder in the cab… cheeks touching in an uncommon beso, the slight hug before I waited for my bus to Bicutan… this is bad… we are friends and it would never work to be more than that… i am too old for this school girl confusion, to young for a matrona’s  desperation… too jaded for pathetic writing like this!

There is no cure for the common cold. You catch cold when the cold virus is activated, and this happens when one’s immune system is weakened… and this is exactly what is happening, whenever I am to meet him… my immune system goes down and so do all my defenses…

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Yesterday was Cinemalaya’s first press lunch. The salmon was divine, so were the white vongole, the spinach dish with bechamel sauce, the salad with kiwi and orange slices… And then there were the interviews and the photo shoots. Shine and Sig (bernardo) and I were ecstatic… We were actually enjoying it! So unlike the guys in the full length category– the real stars of the show— who were non-chalant, unaffected. Basking in the light of this new found fame, however faint, I couldn’t help but think…. is the gratification that we seek found in making the good films that we dream of, or in the popularity gained from being filmmakers. Vanity is the devils favourite sin… This is not good…

Yesterday  morning after shift, i headed off to nostalgic Quiapo to buy the mini-dvs needed for the dubbed copies of my film & Shine’s  for Cinemalaya. I was accompanied by Nina (another July 6-born moonchild, my life is full of them), who was up for the challenge– Carriedo (pronounced kharyeydow) after all being her ultimate shopping haven.

WATSON

First stop was Watson, where we usually by mini-dvs by bulk. It totally slipped my mind that it was 8 in the morning and all but one or few stalls were open. I had bypass my suki to check out the other stalls. They were selling the Panasonic mini-dv’s for 150Php when before it was 145. Sadly my tawaran skills didn’t work. I was ready to pay though, but alas only Sony mini dvs were available– which of course would never do. "Pareho lang naman yan miss" the tinderas would say. I had to explain to them and to Nina that they weren’t. Sony tapes would ruin your camera/recorder heads– take it from DOP extrordinaire Ogi. Sulkily, we decided to wait for the better stalls to open and headed in the other direction to check out the green boots Nina was dying to acquire…

24 HOUR SHIFT

There were skimpily clothed women smoking cigarettes, hand on waist, waiting, in the side streets with vacant eyes… at 8 in the morning at that… Who would want to pay for a  f*ck at 8 in the morning? And how long have they been waiting there? How long will they continue to wait?

Alas, the shop that housed the coveted green boots was also closed to we headed to rest (after commuting from makati and walking back & forth ) at a nearby diner for cokes & smokes… then we got hungry…

ESTERO

"Malapit na yan!" Nina’s understatement for the day. It was not, believe me. It was hot, and we were tired which made the walk from Carriedo to Ongpin an even grueling one… We finally reached a quaint shaded spot near the bridge with the dragons (i don’t know what it’s called aheheh)… the much talked about Estero…  It definitely was worth all the effort. We had mixed seafood (70Php) and shanghai rice (60Php), and soda. The shanghai rice was great and the mixed seafood had bite sized ingredients (tiny chicharo, oysters) and the squid pieces were so tender. The sauce was not to sharp or nakakauyam…The bill amounted to 155Php and the meal was like good enough for three people with not-so voracious appetites. The same amount at the more popular Chinese restos would probably get you an ordinary dish or a regular serving of rice… Definitely when I drop by quiapo or carriedo I would have to give estero a visit and try out the other yummy stuff on the menu.

CHINESE DRUGS & LAO PO PIA

It was nearing 10am when we decided to head back to Carriedo to get the tapes and shoes. On the way back Nina decided to make a stopover Salazar bakery where I was introduced to various Chinese baked goodies like lotus cream with salted egg, radish cakeand sweetheart cake or laopo pia which looked like a small pancake with tikoy inside. I didn’t get to taste it though but I’m secretly hoping she’d bring a pack to the office so we could sample it. Mmmm…. She also stopped by a couple of chinese drug stores to replenish her stocks of ginseng capsules and pampatulog… Nina: Miss may pampatulog po ba kayo? Shopkeeper: (gets a box from behind the cabinet’s glass) Heto o… Nina: ano po tawag dito? Shopkeeper: Pampatulog. Nina: Alam ko po pero ano po ingredients nya, san sya gawa? SHopkeeper: Aba ewan ko, intsik yung sulat. basta mga herbal ito… (SIGH!) Nina ended up buying from another store the same pampatulog plus some pearl colored conditioner capsules (5 pesos/pc.) which she’ll try & tell me about before I buy it.

HENRY’S

Watson’s was still closed when we got there so I settled for Henry’s which had Panasonic tapes (still at 150Php /each). Before we got there Nina got conned into buying a sewing device that looked like a stapler (60Php). … That done, we called it a day and i took the LRT back to pasay where I endured another grueling 30 mins communting home. Whey wat a day that was! (and what a long entry)

I have been thinking about this since I woke up late this afternoon. These motel room boys, why do they always ask the guy if he has a discount card? If in case he doesn’t, why do they offer the discount card to the guy only. Why don’t they ever ask the girl? Or why don’t they offer it to the couple and then let them decide between themselves who gets the card… of course, if they really are a "legit" couple then they c an share it. Why don’t I know of any girl who owns a motel discount card. I mean a regular girl who doesn’t copulate for a living. I mean we should be offered discount cards too. Times are hard and we need to save money any way we can. But of course we all know the answer to this is that motel management wouldn’t want to offend any of the ladies by subtly insinuating that they have illicit sex in motels often. Of course having illicit sex is good for their business. So they turn to the men who find pride in this sort of thing which women find, uhm shameful (?)… The better question is, if I have all these issues, why didn’t I just ask for one, when i saw the room boy giving him the card? It’s likely I could be back (not necessarily with the same person)… I mean, it’s a decent looking, decently priced place. And it’s name sounds like a subdivision, a lot comfortable when you’re telling the driver where you’re going (of course its a giveaway when you say "Sa Pasig, sa may Ultra")…. yeah, maybe I should ask for a discount card next time…

I left home at 4:30 pm– 4 hours earlier than I used to– to catch the 5:30 pm screening of Bikini Open, the feature debut of my friend Eli Balce as DOP… Unfortunately, after reading its gazilion reviews, I felt the film was a somewhat let-down. "Somewhat " because there were points in the film where I guwaffed loudly and without shame kahit na I was the only one who found the joke funny. Mostly I laughed when I saw familiar people on screen: Ricky "Bea" Rivero– of Ninja Kids and Wednesday Group fame who was a scene stealer with his tumitiling bakla act; Direk Andoy Ranay who always gives a memorable performance in ALL the cameos he plays; and even short filmmaker Mariami Tanangco in a bit part… I agree with the reveiews that said it became dragging with the production numbers and introduction of the candidates… and speaking of production numbers, Direk Ricky Davao sadly gave an awful performance ( as was his cameo in La Visa Loca– but that’s another story)… Characters I liked were the promdi contestant who stuck tissue wads in his briefs (because he left his labacara), and the PA who I think really was a PA beacuse she was a natural (reminded me of my first job ever– sigh!)… Anyway, I liked Bridal Shower more, but that’s beside the point. The blowup from HD was great, 90% of the parts looked 35mm (but La Visa looked soooo much better)…

After the movie, I still had 2 hours to kill before work so I took the chance to try the Greek Salad at Shakeys (cheap at 95Php compared to the 100+ peso versions ng Club Med and the like). I passed by Shakey’s poster once and saw it, and have been craving for it since. Sulit naman because it had real feta cheese and 3 pepperoni (or was it salami) slices so it was a filling meal. Just go easy (and i mean real EASY) on the dressing cause I found it too sharp for my taste… 95 pesos on a salad is for me major splurge considering I’ll be getting my next paycheck in mid June and I have barely enough left to see me through… but then again, I just spent it and I can’t CTRL Z my actions so I better stop whining.

… and i better stop blogging and get back to work…

this is what i get from lurking through other people’s blogs in friendster

"G.C."
Your faults and my bitterness
locked in the safety of slumber;
And your bare chest
my comfort and my savior.
Nightmares set with a sun
unseen from my bed,
And the sins are redeemed
through the unity in our heads.
Love unspoken with the silences we speak,
Insecurity our only barrier
as I sit beside you with blackened feet.
Your sweat the salty fragrance
of sweet nostalgia
I inhale.
Wretched concubines of doubt;
You are my captive
long-haired god of moving images;
Commit to my lunacy, pain and ecstacy.

i take back the admiration i had for your new found fidelity to the one you said you loved (you wore her ring)… you despicable phoney… i guess i am still as stupid and as naive as you had left me years ago… i hate you… no..  i hate myself…

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after 48 hours of mourning, i am finally relieved that you have gone away…and the dead should remain dead… please, don’t ever ever come back…

I miss the days when my emotions were purer. when there was no such thing as near-sadness, almost-bliss, slight anger, being hurt but nonchalant, anxious yet wary… Tonight I’m not sure what I’m feeling… Ironically this is when I am at a point in my life where there is a finality in the things I decide to do, the things I say, the things I want… All that is certain is that tonight, after days of agonizing heat, it is raining… as it always is whenever he is here…

una sa lahat salamat sa mga nag-comment sa blog ko: paolo, tala, shine. aheheh may nagtatiyaga pa palang magbasa ng useless rants ko… at sa mga lurkers (tulad ko) magparamdam naman kayo. masarap din makabasa ng mga comments tulad ng "Pam, isa kang nagmamagandang pretentious p oser!" "Pam, andami mong typos ano ba yan? Wrong grammar!"

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I spent a considerable number of hours at work asking Kokology questions with Nina, April, Jay, and my other officemates. And how accurate! 80% of the work and career related questions reflected a overbearing unhappines and unfulillment… eh sus! kelangan pa bang i-memorize yan?

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spoke with abbie a while back… and i truly commiserate… i may not relate to most of the love-related scenarios where girls’ hearts become more raw than peeled in-soles… but a girl is most vulnerable when she is making her first film (mounting her first solo exhibit, performing in her first recital, staging her first play, etc…) i remember being that crushed… feeling so pained not wanting to look at nor finish one’s work, not wanting to make films (paint, play, write..) forever… basta, yung para kang maimed… yung OA sort of demotivation sa paningin ng iba, yung pathetic sa paningin ng iba… lahat ng tao sinasabing naiintindihan ka pero hindi…

Buti na lang tapos na ko sa ganung stage. Buti na lang makapal na ang mukha ko.